Parenting Shy Kids

My daughter is such a sweet girl.  She is so desperately shy sometimes though, that she hardly has a chance to show people who she really is.  As a recovering shy girl, I had hoped she would not be like me, but now that she is, I understand her more than my husband (Mr. Outgoing) can. 

We went to church this last Sunday morning.  It has been a while since we have been able to go, things are always getting in the way in our busy life- work, travel, illnesses etc.  So I dropped Em off at the child care place where she could play with all the kids her age.  She usually liked it before, but mostly played alone.  This week though, she just screamed and cried until they finally paged me to come and get her.  She has become increasingly shy and anti-social. 

I am wondering if my decision to not put her in preschool was a bad decision.  So now I am scrambling around thinking of ways to socialize her a little more.  I think as a kid though, I was forced into many things I was terrified of and was really unhappy about it.  I don't want to force the shyness out of her but rather nurture it out of her. 

Why are some kids shy?  Research shows shyness is inherited, they are born to be more sensitive new people and situations.  I do see the truth in this with Em.  As a baby if we went to large events, I would have to stand away from the crowd where it was quieter and calmer until she was adjusted enough for me to join the party (still holding her of course). 

So how can we gently nudge them into socializing?

Prep them in advance.  Days before an event, such as, birthday parties or a new dance class, talk to them about what is going to happen.  Emily will be starting a couple new things in the next week, MOPS and dance class.  I am afraid to overwhelm her and have her tense up and sit in the corner alone.  So I should start now by telling her that when she starts dance class, mommy can't go with her, she will have to be brave and make mommy proud by making a new friend.

Give them a chance to tell you why they are so scared.  Talk through the fears and maybe even tell them about how you were once shy too.  This might help them not feel so afraid and alone.  I try this all the time but all I ever get out of her is "because I scared".  One day I may get a better answer.

Sensitive parenting will be helpful.  Be aware and sensitive to their feelings and nervousness to help ease them into situations.  Don't respond harshly or sarcastically to their fears and shyness but work with it and realize that it makes them special. 

Be a social role model by being friendly and outgoing.  This one is a bit hard for me too, but I have lost a lot of my shyness as I have gotten older.  So when we are out in social situations, we will show Emily that we can be friendly. 

Develop relationships with other care givers and teachers.  This is important so they can be comfortable with them also.  When I leave Emily with any of our friends to babysit she has no problems.  So maybe if we had her Sunday school teacher over for dinner one night, she would be happier in her care at church.

Practice.  This idea seems silly to me but it might help. Practice pretend situations where your child needs to make new friends.  Teach them to introduce themselves to other kids and ask them their name. 

Shyness is not a bad quality, it can be limiting but if we nurture them though the roughest time, they will be able to manage their shyness and maybe even grow out of it. 

Overly Spoiled Girl

Does anyone else spoil their daughters more just because shes a girl and girl things are so cute?! I sometimes feel like a bad mom because I'm not overly equal with my purchases.  I will be honest and face the facts, I buy Emily way more things. 

Poor Will and all his boyishness.  That little Y chromosome gave him the short end of the stick when it comes to cute clothes, toys and accesories.  Although boy clothes have come a long way in cuteness, it just doesn't compare to the girls clothes. 

I justify to myself that Will is so young and doesn't care about these things, but really, I did it for her when she was his age.  For example, Emily had the cutest pair of sunglasses, before she was one.  They matched her bathing suit, but she wore them all the time.  She looked awesome and it was good for her eyes right?!  Well I don't know if they were protective glasses really but thats not exactly the point.  Here Will is over one and I have yet to buy him a pair of sunglasses, because it's not like he needs them right?  See what I did there- totally justified it.  I gotta stop that.  I really doubt he will leave them on his face really, but I haven't yet tried. 

Will did get a cute birthday shirt to wear for his birthday, but I will admit, I didn't even buy it, and I wonder if I would have gotten him anything that specific.  For Emily however I picked out her shirt before his birthday and even got a matching birthday bow for her hair.  Really, to top it all off I was going to make her a tutu to complete the outfit.  Adorable. 

So after all this, I wonder...  Am I a bad mom or is this all just normal for a mom with a older daughter.  He deffinitly is not loved less, kissed less, hugged less or held less.  It all material.  Unimportant in the long run.  The attention we give our kids matters more than the clothes we buy, and the accessories to go with them.  Love is the best present we can give our kids and thankfully I have that in abundance.

Losing my mind

I go out walking on a fairly regular basis with my friend Lindsay and her little guy Riley, a 7 month old little angel.  We walk about 4 miles along the bike trail in the evenings when its not too hot, me with my double jogging stroller and two cranky fighting, and screaming kids; and Lindsay with her quiet little angel who sits patiently with his pacifier in his mouth playing with his toys.  It's seem a bit ridiculous sometimes at how my kids act on walks.  They are not normally screaming and obnoxious but when I want to work out, whether it's at home on my elliptical, out for a jog or on our evening walks, they want to be the worlds worst behaved children.  So sometimes I ask myself, is trying to improve my post baby bod worth my sanity?!

Oh I know the answer to that question is yes.  But I do question it occasionally.  I love to work out and be active.  I am proud of what I have accomplished in the short amount of time since my little Mister has been born.  I have lost 2 pant sizes, finished a half marathon, and found a renewed love for fitness.  I do think though, that I have another reason why maybe a gym membership is a good idea- gym daycare. 

Your a 10!

For all those days I doubt how great a mom I am, those days that my patience has gone away. I can look back at this picture and know my kids would give me a 10! For all you other mommy's too- don't be so hard on yourself when you have those rough days. Your the best mom's because you love your kids. Im sure they would give you a 10 also!

Mom Hair

As I watched this mornings Today show and their segment on 'Mom Hair', I caught myself thinking about my own hair.  Yes, I am caught in the mom hair trap.  Its about shoulder length and almost always back in a ponytail.  Although I have been trying to think of a better style for it, I'm sure it would still end up- well up. 

As mothers we have so many things going on in our day.  From play dates, story time, getting the kids dressed and off to school, chores, cooking and making time with the husband.  It really can be easy to be stuck in the rut where your blow dryer hasn't seen the light of day in weeks.  I wish I could have some amazing enlightened answer as to how to fix this dilemma but I don't.  I do know I feel better and look better when I fix my hair.  And in a postpartum time when all mom's feel unattractive and gross maybe its a good idea to give it a higher priority in my day.  As my sister-in-law Aileen told me once- your hair is an accessory and when your clothes are not fitting right you want people to focus on something you can make beautiful. 

A friend of mine once told me there was no way she would ever not curl her hair or do her makeup.  She (obviously) has not had a baby yet.  She will be having her first in June.  We will see what really happens after that.  I hope she really can manage that feat and teach me how do it too!

Time to wean...

I have been struggling with the decision to wean my little porker from breastfeeding.  We have made it to almost 9 months of great breastfeeding and for the first 6 months I pumped extra milk everyday to feed my deep freezer also.  We will still make it to 1 year or longer with our extra storage so he will still have the best diet nature can offer him.  And yet, I feel like I am failing to provide for him. I love our time together nursing but I am craving the freedom.  It's hard to pump at work, it's hard to feed on the go, and I am ready for a real bra.  So, since I worked the last two days and Andy already set up a new routine, I am sticking with it.  I skipped my first nursing for his nap.  Here we go.

Job vs kids

As we all have kids moms are faced with the dilemma: job vs kids.  This dilemma was easy for me to solve early on.  Definitely, my kids come first.  So I stay home and work once a week when Andy is home so we don't have any day care.  We are always there for our kids.  We are so lucky to have 2 flexible jobs that allow us to be at home more. 
Last year I decided to try for a different job with shorter hours.  So I applied at Kaiser which is closer, shorter shifts, and more pay.  Great right?!  Then I got pregnant and fired before my first day started.  Job vs kids.  I choose kids.  I was happy to be having our little Will. 
This year I tried again to get a job, closer, more pay, and shorter hours.  It was something I always wanted to do also.  Today I got the call I had been waiting for.  The call for an interview.  Again it came up, job vs kids.  They wanted to interview me for a full time position.  I had to regretfully decline the interview.  I think I ruined any future chance I had to work there.  But in any case, I am happy to choose my kids.  I feel lucky to be able to be home with them as much as I can throughout this time in their lives.  I just wish I didn't always have to make a decision.  Fortunately, I love the job I have now, I just wish I could work 8 hours, or get a raise.
I am trying to not regret the loss of possibility so I will enjoy my sweet kids giggles and smiles today.  They are the reason I am here.  They are the greatest thing I will have ever accomplished.

Taking care

As I sat in the dentist office with my mouth open and the sound of the drill filled the office I had a harsh realization.  I need to work a little harder to take care of myself.  I think it is a part of being a mom, we sacrifice everything for our kids.  They always come first in our mind.  So throughout the day we make little sacrifices of ourselves to make sure we spend enough time with our kids and keep them healthy and happy.  It can be a great thing that we do that.  Its humbling and makes us great mom's.  Giving of ourselves helps us remeber that the world doesn't revolve around us and we are here for greater reasons.  But where is the line that we give too much.  How many new mothers have we heard complain they haven't showered or even brushed their teeth?  We mothers also must take our time.  For me, I have sacrificed a little time here and there that I would have spent taking care of myself, which is fine as long as it doesn't result in 4 cavities.  So here I pledge to work harder at flossing, because even though the kids are screaming and unhappy, my teeth are important.  Somewhere the line has to be drawn, and I am drawing it at drills and pain.